I knew from young that the only thing I can do really well is to draw. Yet, when my teachers complimented my drawings in class, I was not pleased, in fact I was irritated at times. It was because Art was not an important subject, only Chinese, English, Mathematics and Science were critical subjects for advancing to the next grade, so excelling in Art had little use then.

When I was in secondary school, there was a little improvement. I recalled when I was in Secondary 2, I had an Art teacher who gave me much encouragement, and Art also became a core subject. These became my motivation to improve in my drawing skills.

In 1983, I completed my secondary school education and I enrolled in Nanyang Academic of Fine Arts. (I knew then that my mother was worried about my ability to make a proper living in future.) After 3 years of Art education, I went on to do my national service, while taking part in several art exhibitions of various scales. After 2 years of national service, I felt a deep sense of emptiness. I became a Christian, and when I was 24 years old in 1991, I was baptised.

When I was choosing my career path, I knew that being an artist was God’s call on my life. However, this was hard for me to accept, as this would mean that I might not be able to make ends meet, and I was fearful that people would deem me as a “jobless artist”.

As a result, this started my 7 years of working odd jobs. I tried jobs of varying natures, such as helper in a Chinese medical shop, restaurant helper, stage designer, and salesman and delivery man of publishing and coffee beans companies. (Refer to painting.) As you can imagine, there was nothing that I excelled in. It was only in 1998 that I finally give in to God’s call upon my life and I seriously put my heart into painting… This was followed after with much blessings from God! (Due to the content of this painting, I shall not elaborate on this further.)

This painting is reflecting my season of not heeding to God’s call, and I was experiencing a sense of loss and disillusioned, for trying to please everyone around me, giving in to what everyone deemed normal, living in a resigned state of life.

年少時, 我已經清楚知道自己唯一能做得好的事情就是繪畫..., 但每當學校老師在課堂上表揚我的繪畫作品時, 坦白說我聽了並不覺得高興(有時候還會感覺煩!), 因為美術科在當時我所就讀的小學不是主科, 隻有華文, 英文, 數學和科學四科的考分才會影響升留級, 所以美術科即便是再好也沒用。

到了中學, 情況便有點改善。記得中二那一年, 學校來了一位美術教師, 給予我不少鼓勵, 與此同時, 那一年美術科也成了一項主科, 就這樣的, 美術科便開始有了"合理"的理由讓我為"它" 而奮力求進步了。

一九八三年結束了中學教育, 便在隔年進入美術專科學院學習(當時也清楚的知道母親多少會為我的"錢途"擔心)。三年后的課程結束后便去服兵役。期間也參加了許多大小不同的畫展...。兩年的兵役結束后不久我便開始感到生活過得十分空虛而有了宗教信仰 - 一九九一年我受洗成為基督徒, 那一年我二十四歲。

成了信徒后不久便開始為工作的選擇而苦惱!

在"選工"的過程裡, 我不能否認神是有向我啟示的 - "祂要我從事美術創作!" 這對當時的我來說是難以接受及忍受的! 因為一來我很討厭過有一餐沒一餐的窮日子, 二來也不想面對周圍人士對看似"無業的藝術家"的異樣眼光。

就這樣的, 便開始了我那七年的"打工" 旅程。前后共干了不少不同性質的行業如藥店助手, 餐館廚房助手, 舞台布置制作, 銷售員, 出版社以及咖啡豆搬運員工(見圖) 等等。結果是可想而知的, 根本沒有一項做得成。直至一九九八年底才真正選擇了順服神的旨意而開始用心經營自己的美術作品...。當然緊接著就是一連串的得著神的祝福! (由於主題內容的關系, 蒙福的過程在這裡不便多說了... )

這畫要表達的就是當年在沒有神的啟示和異象的情況下的迷失以及為了迎合周圍的人(期望自己在別人眼裡顯得生活正常)而生出的百般無奈。